The Awkward Call

“Who is this?” “No, who is this?” “Are you there? Why do I have your number in my phone?” This was the absurd phone call I received this afternoon from a guy I had gone out with several weeks prior. It was clear neither of us was interested in pursuing a second date; I promptly erased Mitch from my phone. 

But, apparently, Mitch did not follow that course of action, and decided to keep me in his phone, yet without a name. I wonder if he even knew it the night we met? I must admit, there are times when I am dating so much I find myself heading to the date not able to remember the name of the guy I am about to meet. So, I wouldn’t be so offended; but, why call me at all? If there is a number in your phone, and you cannot remember who it is or why it’s there, isn’t there usually a reason for that? Why risk the awkwardness? 

We stammered at pleasantries for a few minutes, and eagerly ended the conversation. And, I chuckled to myself thinking of what I would say here. And, there you have it!

Cheerleaders Need Love Too

After meeting two men I could have been interested in pursuing a relationship with (stories to come: Rick & Geoff), and having those attempts fail, last night I returned to the inevitable online dating service for yet another “match made in Heaven.” We members of the tribe seem to have a hard time finding one another in this city of angels (which is ironic, because we comprise 75% of this city- hello film industry) and flock to the  the artificial matchmaker “JDATE.” I am said Jew, working all kinds of crazy hours, over the bar scene, with the need to connect! 

Mitch (name changed, as with all the others) was an actor turned producer who lives in the valley, and while seemingly a match on paper, and even certain things I picked up on in person, there was zero spark. He was cute in a young, floppy haired kind of way, but something about his demeanor (and, truth be told, I hated his hands!) had me realize that dinner was going to be a lesson in futility, and the quicker I could get out of there would be the best scenario possible.

After the first course, I was regaled with stories of his best friend’s failed attempts at suicide, and subsequent life story. At one point I was trying to figure out why we were discussing his friend so much, but by the time I got my chance to ask, the conversation had taken a strange turn. I don’t know if it was his attempt at making it apparent he was not into me either or he made this all up to entertain himself, but before I knew it, I was listening to his stories of awful sex with the dirty cheerleader he had slept with 2 nights prior (she apparently left a blood stain on his pillow, and had him searching his body for open sores), his need to be tested for HIV, followed by the recounting of his ex girlfriend’s attempts to return to his life, whom he allowed in for sex, but nothing more. After she told him she loved him and wanted to get back together. His response: “The gate will open when you leave!” Seriously??? I don’t know if he thought this was charming. Maybe he couldn’t wait to get out of the restaurant either, like me sitting and listening to him had made me want to jab my chop stick into my eye to have an excuse to leave the restaurant. 

So, onward I go. One more down, how many more to go?

To Date or Not to Date

I give great date! It’s true, I do. I’m attentive, attractive, fun, funny; I ask the right questions, flirt an appropriate amount with my dry sarcasm and wit (when I find myself attracted to the other person, of course!), and yet, I’m still single. Eternally single. And, while I don’t usually mind (I’m someone that really likes my space, and gets very uncomfortable if crowded), lately it’s become evident that if something doesn’t change soon in my behavior or lifestyle, I am going to be the lady living with lots and lots of cats, cooking homemade pet food because there’s no one else to cook for! Yikes.

So, after years of threatening to turn my crazy, crazy dating experiences into a tell-all book, I’ve decided to turn to my very own blog. This makes far more sense, considering my attention span is shorter than the life of the fruit flies in my kitchen, and by the time I get them down on paper, I’ve bored even myself. 

Over the last ten years or more (sigh!) I have dated some amazing, and some not so amazing, men. And, while I have lived through all (some were touch and go at times), I think my sense of humor has gotten me through. Friends ask all the time for me to regale them with stories (both sordid and absurd) of my dating experiences. From the sublime (the man I fell madly in love with, who loved me back until it just stopped working), to the freakishly bizarre (the guy who screamed at me in the bar and smashed his drink into the table, yelling at the waiter on the way out of the door because I would not go home with him after ten minutes), I have experienced it all. I think. But, until the right guy comes along, I am sure there will be more to tell. Which is why we’re here…. If I have to endure this nonsense, might as well turn a positive spin on it all. Lemonade out of lemons. Silver lining. You get the picture.

For those of you reading (do I honestly think anyone will actually read this? I don’t know about that), I might just prove that I am actually the cute fun girl I claim to be by posting a pic or two one day. For starters, though, I will say the theory of this is far too mortifying, and if I’m baring my heart and soul, I think the pics will have to wait. So, please keep your comments to the positive variety! I may not always be so sweet, but I will be honest; that’s a lot better than a good sugar coat.

So, here I go. Wish me luck. Let’s see where this takes me…..